Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
