i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
