When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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