Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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