The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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