If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
