His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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