Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
