Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i will never coherently bang her
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
