my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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