I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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