I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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