You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
