glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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