Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
