you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
