i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
