The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
