It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
