I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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