I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
