He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
