Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize