i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
