We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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