I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize