Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
