Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
