mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
