I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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