Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
