So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
