Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
