we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize