sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
