please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
