It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
