there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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