Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
vagina is talking i cant
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
