My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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