he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
