Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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