So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
