wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
