I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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