And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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