I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
