oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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