You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
