hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
