put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
