Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
