Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
