wat bout pragnant strippers??
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
