The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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