I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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