I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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