is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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