i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
