Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
