Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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