Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
