I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My bed smells like the plague
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
