Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
