yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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