idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize