Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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