Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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