JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
4 words: hood of his car
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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