Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
