I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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