Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
