i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
