accomplished twins. life is a go
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
