you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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