There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How external is "for external use only"?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
