My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
