I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
