The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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