just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
