So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
