He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
