I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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