I think my fart just growled at me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
