I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
