He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
