So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
