me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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