Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Never joke about your clitoris.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
