Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize