I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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