I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
